BDSM Play – Curious about consensual BDSM, but don’t know how to get started?
Here’s good news – you can add restraint play to your vanilla sex without spending a dime on expensive accessories or mastering complex rope ties.
While investing in a few basic BDSM toys can be fun, you don’t have to go over the top to enjoy dominant/submissive play. It’s all about consent, trust, and understanding between you and your partner.
From blindfolding to sexy communication, here are some safe and effective ways to explore BDSM with your partner.
Top BDSM Play Tips for Beginners
If you’ve ever fantasized about adding some kink to your sex life – such as BDSM – but didn’t know how to do it, this blog can help. While BDSM is a vast and complex field that’s only confined by your imagination (and budget sometimes), here are a few ways to help you get started.
- Communicate Your Desires
Whether you’re a dominant (domme), submissive (sub), or a switch (someone who plays both roles), express your desires to your partner. Say you fantasize about being spanked or you want to see your partner with their wrists tied behind their back. Tell them what you want. Communication and consent is key to safe and fulfilling BDSM play (especially role play), as you’re both aware and excited about what’s about to happen.
- Try a Blindfold
Blindfolds are an excellent way to step into the BDSM world. Perfect for both beginners and experienced players, this kind of sensory deprivation heightens sexual tension. When you temporarily eliminate one sense, the anticipation and darkness heighten your other senses.
Aside from intensifying your senses, blindfolds also reduce performance pressure and inhibitions. For instance, when you blindfold your partner, you can be yourself and forget about everything else that might interfere with their pleasure.
Depending on the role you’re playing, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. If you’re playing the dominant role, ‘tell’ them to perform oral sex or run their fingers up and down your genitals. Then, ask them to change pace or stop altogether to create waves of anticipation. You can also whisper commands to your blindfolded partner, or tickle their erogenous zones with a feather.
These luxurious masks and blindfolds are a great way to kickstart your BDSM play.
NOTE: Although blindfolds are considered safe and BDSM-light, the loss of sight can be scary. Always remember to have your partner’s consent and a safe word in place while you’re acting out a fantasy. |
- Role Play (and Dress Up)
Role-playing involves playing with power dynamics. This can mean pretending to be a doctor, nurse, or professor. Instead of wearing regular lingerie, consider donning a schoolgirl look with pigtails and miniskirts. You can also buy sexy role-play costumes that are ideal for getting into the character of a boss, secretary, police officer, or housemaid.
- Safe Cues
It is normal for a person to lose their ability to speak when experiencing intense sexual pleasure or sensory overload. Since BDSM comes with certain risks about restraint, bondage, and exercise of control, it’s important to have a non-verbal safety cue in addition to a ‘safe word’ (agreed-upon word to indicate the sub’s comfort). For example, four thigh taps or two finger snaps can indicate ‘stop’. This is especially vital when you’re exploring BDSM with a new partner or when using a ball gag that restricts your ability to speak.
Remember, BDSM doesn’t always have to involve restraints, sharp commands, or strict protocol. Sometimes it’s as simple as depriving their senses for a while and surprising them at every touch. Most importantly, have fun, be safe, and keep communicating.
